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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24558628">What Remains</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/okemmelie/pseuds/okemmelie'>okemmelie</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Magnus Archives (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>???? - Freeform, Angst, F/M, probably, set somewhere in season three, someone teach me to tag things on this website, tim has a bad day and thinks about sasha</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 02:26:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>919</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24558628</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/okemmelie/pseuds/okemmelie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Tim loved Sasha James. Beautiful, perfect, unforgettable Sasha James. He just couldn't remember what she looked like.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sasha James/Tim Stoker</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>What Remains</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i,,,,,,,,,,, have a lot of feelings about these two ok</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It’s a kind of bittersweet affair, sitting there on his kitchen floor with a box of pictures messily emptied out in front of him. Memories, good and bad, but mostly good. Or well...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He remembered her. He remembered Sasha James so vividly. He remembered the way her skin feels against his fingertips, the way her lips feel against his. And he remembered her face. Her beautiful, perfect face. Beautiful, perfect, unforgettable Sasha James.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At least he wanted to remember her. He wanted to remember her so badly that it made his heart ache and his head hurt. And yet, he say there on his cold kitchen floor looking at pictures and memories with someone who isn’t Sasha James, no matter how badly he wished she was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Melanie had filled him in. At least a little bit. Sasha’s hair is dark brown – well, </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> dark brown. It was curly and when Melanie had seen her, she’d worn it in a bun. The… </span>
  <em>
    <span>thing </span>
  </em>
  <span>in his pictures was blonde. Blonde, ponytail enthusiast Sasha James with her stupid blue eyes that, according to Melanie, was and had always been brown.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Was she beautiful?’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>he’d asked her. Well, actually he hadn’t quite gotten around to actually asking her, but he liked to pretend he had and that she had said yes. Because he knew – he just </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew</span>
  </em>
  <span>, okay? – that the Sasha James he’d fallen in love with was </span>
  <em>
    <span>the </span>
  </em>
  <span>most beautiful woman on planet earth and, quite possibly, in all solar systems out there as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And there she was! The thing that’d taken away his Sasha, sitting there next to Martin on a bench in the park when they’d escaped the archives to go grab milkshakes together before things were bad. Before the worms, before Jon got weird on them, before… before everything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had been a good day, Tim remembered that. London had had a little bit of sun and they’d gotten the most of it. And sure, Tim had paid for all of their milkshakes, but Sasha had kissed him on the cheek when he’d done so and she’d kissed him on the lips when he dropped her off at home later in the evening. He remembered that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were pictures from karaoke night, of him and Sasha singing a duet together and going all out, complete with Martin’s thumb in frame. Gosh, what had they been singing? He couldn’t remember and somehow, that was almost worse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A picture from the day they were </span>
  <em>
    <span>sure </span>
  </em>
  <span>Sasha would get the promotion. Tim remembered taking it, remembered being a little tipsy and a lot in love with a girl that he’s called his best friend for so long, but who had looked at him with her big blue – </span>
  <em>
    <span>brown </span>
  </em>
  <span>– eyes and had just completely melted his heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Had things gone differently, maybe she’d be here with him tonight. Had Elias not been some evil, fucked-up excuse of a person who was, quite frankly, not in a sane mindset to run any kind of an institute, supernatural or not, maybe Sasha would’ve gotten that job instead of Jon. Maybe she would’ve been able to figure this whole thing out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Or maybe if he’d just returned from lunch a little earlier or a little later. Maybe she wouldn’t have run after him. Or maybe if he’d just dragged him with her into the office. Maybe if he’d–</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck, he missed Sasha.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He missed Sasha so much and there was nothing to make that better, because even the fucking memories he had of her were lies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Losing her had hurt. Seeing the Sasha he’d fallen in love with grow distant and different had hurt like hell and losing her, losing their connection and their friendship, had not been fun. And yet, on nights like these, he wondered if maybe that would have been better, just leaving it at that. Maybe that’d have been a better fate? Just growing apart and losing a love and a best friend and never figuring out that his heartbreak had been a lie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Sasha James in his pictures were beautiful, but she was beautiful in a way that left a bad taste in his mouth. He wished she wasn’t. He wished he could just forget her; get to know the real Sasha James and fall in love with her all over again. But no. The real Sasha James was dead and gone and all he had was memories of feelings for this fake one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And his pictures. Tim did like his pictures. Or well, he liked the idea of them. Not what they stood for, not what they meant, but what they once had been. He liked the idea of what they had been and he longed, ached, to go back to when life had been better and whether or not Sasha James would admit to falling in love with him anytime soon had been his biggest concern.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Like most things in his life these days, there wasn’t much he could do about it. He was stuck with memories of this imposter who didn’t love him back and honestly? He was quite happy with that part. God forbid if he had actually fallen in love with that thing and it had let him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Or maybe Sasha James never loved him and that thing continued down the path their relationship would inevitably have gone. He didn’t like to think about that, so instead he grabbed a knife and started scratching away at the face of the thing that wasn't Sasha.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>sasha has a lot of rights and i think about her a lot. miss u every day queen. feel free to hmu @helenmcwife on tumblr if u ever want to cry about her together</p></blockquote></div></div>
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